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‘I used to get around a lot too. I was everybody’s friend. People would tell me all kinds of things.’ ‘What happened?’ ‘I always wanted to be a flight attendant. I thought I could talk to people.’ ‘I see.’ ‘People just don’t open up to strangers. It makes sense. I just didn’t think of it that way at the time.’ ‘You’re not happy?’ ‘I don’t know. I like my job. I like going places. It just gets so lonely sometimes.’ ‘Aw, hell. I’ll keep you company, honey.’ ‘Say that again,’ she said, her voice down to a whisper. ‘I’ll keep you company, honey.’ ‘You’re sweet.’ she said. I massaged her shoulder. ‘I’ve been too busy for anyone too. This business thing, going around, making deals. I get the big bucks, but I can’t really enjoy it. I figured in a few years I’ll be able to settle down a bit and buy a nice place, have a good time. But there’s people I work with ten or twenty years older who are still doing this.’ ‘I know what you mean. You just never find the time.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘I have the time. Some of it is hindsight. I am so ashamed of my actions and my feelings from the time before the thirty days started. The thirty days were difficult but so guilt ridden."I had felt invincible. I was the star of the C-130 training. I was the hottest woman there with a totally hot guy who I thought worshipped me. What I didn't know was that he loved me enough to let me go. I also didn't know that he was enough of a person that he didn't and doesn't need someone to congratulate him on how well he does, or did. I need positive reinforcement. I was blind to the fact that he had long since stopped trying to pass the training."I was running over everyone. Vic and Tom couldn't bring themselves to stop me from hurting others. My father dropped the training to keep from losing his love for me. That should have opened my eyes but it didn't. Finally, I humiliated Charles publicly and he decided to force the issue. He had wanted to leave because he didn't like where things were going. My actions.
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